During my run ... these thoughts came up. Looks like a second blog is coming out today.
What if your fans see their light in you and your haters think you are better than they are?
Either way - you are in a great place really. Keeping this in mind is so helpful.
For fans, why not shine? ... show them who they are while you live your best life!
For haters, have compassion. It's a terrible place to think anyone is better than you are and it's simply a belief, a thought, a well practiced thought perhaps or one that someone or society instilled within you.
When I say compassion I mean really, practice it with all your heart. Haters are suffering and carrying plenty on their own.
I know this, have felt hate before. It's awful.
It's strange to me now to see so many strategies I guess for any to deploy to create the perception that they are better than others. Inauthentic expressions of happiness. Declarations of hollow success. Or, perhaps some really are just fakin it til they make it? Maybe there is value in that?
Pursuing a dream, deploying a dream is never about making yourself feel better than other people. It's bigger than you and so aligned with what you are meant to do that surrendering to it is rewarding. In fact, it calls to you. Curiosity takes over.
You know how to tell if someone is shinning. It's in your gut. When you look at them, just looking at them makes you feel better about yourself.
You can tell when someone is on a pedestal and suffering, because they need to feel better about themselves, because they believe they need you to make them feel better about themselves. There's something off.
It's not about labeling them or outing them. You can even give them a chance, you can even love them.
We all forget who we are from time to time.
And, let's not forget that sometimes life drifts .. becomes a form of waiting and learning and hunting down the trail of a new dream. Those times can really suck! I hope I do a better job trusting those waiting periods and just accepting them. I've never been very good at waiting. :)
One thing Ive learned is that my path is my path, my moments are my moments and my achievements are my achievements. Use caution when people try to cross the streams and plug into your path. You know, they have their own.
Setting boundaries is not hating. It's self love. Don't worry if someone says "no - not right now" or "you are not right for me" or "Im going a different direction".
There's infatuation and then there's attachment and then there's collaboration.
Infatuation means someone does not want to walk their own path. They want to feed off of yours. Or - it can mean they are in transition or waiting and you have become a shinny distraction and it's totally innocent.
Attachment means you're parallel and you should enjoy it as long as you can. Healthy attachment has amazing boundaries, respect and there's plenty of room for everyone's light to shine.
Collaboration is reciprocity at it's best. It can happen in the moment and it can span time. When it's done well, everyone benefits, nobody takes all the credit and everyone levels up together. A collaborator always finds collaboration and the world is full of it. Collaborators don't see people as better or worse they see them for what they have to offer and offer opportunities for them to plug and play.
Haters and takers. A human life would not be human without trying these jackets on and knowing they are not for you. Give them space to wear these jackets but never discount their worth. We're all in motion and get to learn as we go and we all are needed. You never know what someone is struggling with. The opportunity to forgive someone who took from you, betrayed you or hated you is badge of honor.
Hate is a hole in the ground that you dare not put your hand in because the person down there wants to pull you in with them.
No matter how beautiful they are down in that hole, never get in with them.
And a word of caution - An overly critical mind is two steps away from hate.
I feel like self actualization is a place where one creates and overflows and gives to others. We all have a signature gift to give and the best diamonds are found from digging through coal mines. This is why I don't see the world as a place full of problems. I see it as a place full of possibility. Even someone stuck in a hole of hate might come out and change the world.
There is grace in the act of setting boundaries from a place of self love.
Someone who's setting a boundary out of self love will tell you they are not overflowing right now and that you deserve the kind of love and care that comes from someone who is. They will tell you what they plan to do to take better care of themselves so they can add to your life. They will ask for your support. They are not afraid to be vulnerable and their actions speak louder than their words.
Someone who uses you or needs you to feel better about themselves will make you feel like you are a problem, a bother, like it's your fault or like you are not enough. They may even try to shame you.
Ugh - Don't shame yourself. If you can help it - don't shame yourself. It was never about you.
This has been my biggest lesson over the last 2 years. If you've ever felt ashamed of who you are and have had to work on self worth, and especially if you are a giver ... a taker or a hater can send you on a downward spiral right back to that place you fought your way out of.
Shame is a completely different hole in the ground. It too needs a lot of compassion. It's not better or worse than any other hole. Shame does not destroy the people around, it destroys self ... but it's still a hole.
Regardless - we are not meant to be in holes for too long. None of us! Get your diamond and climb out. :)
And when you're out - route for everyone. Most importantly - keep routing for yourself, and when you are in a great place, start to give again.
And when your haters start to hate, remember they think you are better than they are. Let them remind you that you are not better than anybody.
And when your fans start to smile, remember you are showing them who they are.
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