Day 15 PT2 - What if your fans see their light in you and your haters think you are better than they are?

During my run ... these thoughts came up.  Looks like a second blog is coming out today.

What if your fans see their light in you and your haters think you are better than they are?

Either way - you are in a great place really.  Keeping this in mind is so helpful.

For fans, why not shine? ... show them who they are while you live your best life!

For haters, have compassion.  It's a terrible place to think anyone is better than you are and it's simply a belief, a thought, a well practiced thought perhaps or one that someone or society instilled within you.

When I say compassion I mean really, practice it with all your heart.  Haters are suffering and carrying plenty on their own.

I know this, have felt hate before.  It's awful.

It's strange to me now to see so many strategies I guess for any to deploy to create the perception that they are better than others.  Inauthentic expressions of happiness.  Declarations of hollow success.  Or, perhaps some really are just fakin it til they make it?  Maybe there is value in that?

Pursuing a dream, deploying a dream is never about making yourself feel better than other people.  It's bigger than you and so aligned with what you are meant to do that surrendering to it is rewarding.  In fact, it calls to you.  Curiosity takes over.

You know how to tell if someone is shinning.  It's in your gut.  When you look at them, just looking at them makes you feel better about yourself.

You can tell when someone is on a pedestal and suffering, because they need to feel better about themselves, because they believe they need you to make them feel better about themselves.  There's something off.

It's not about labeling them or outing them.  You can even give them a chance, you can even love them.

We all forget who we are from time to time.

And, let's not forget that sometimes life drifts .. becomes a form of waiting and learning and hunting down the trail of a new dream.  Those times can really suck!  I hope I do a better job trusting those waiting periods and just accepting them.  I've never been very good at waiting. :)

One thing Ive learned is that my path is my path, my moments are my moments and my achievements are my achievements.  Use caution when people try to cross the streams and plug into your path.  You know, they have their own.

Setting boundaries is not hating.  It's self love.  Don't worry if someone says "no - not right now" or "you are not right for me" or "Im going a different direction".

There's infatuation and then there's attachment and then there's collaboration.

Infatuation means someone does not want to walk their own path.  They want to feed off of yours.  Or - it can mean they are in transition or waiting and you have become a shinny distraction and it's totally innocent.

Attachment means you're parallel and you should enjoy it as long as you can.  Healthy attachment has amazing boundaries, respect and there's plenty of room for everyone's light to shine.

Collaboration is reciprocity at it's best.  It can happen in the moment and it can span time.  When it's done well, everyone benefits, nobody takes all the credit and everyone levels up together.  A collaborator always finds collaboration and the world is full of it.  Collaborators don't see people as better or worse they see them for what they have to offer and offer opportunities for them to plug and play.

Haters and takers.  A human life would not be human without trying these jackets on and knowing they are not for you.  Give them space to wear these jackets but never discount their worth.  We're all in motion and get to learn as we go and we all are needed.  You never know what someone is struggling with.  The opportunity to forgive someone who took from you, betrayed you or hated you is badge of honor.

Hate is a hole in the ground that you dare not put your hand in because the person down there wants to pull you in with them.

No matter how beautiful they are down in that hole, never get in with them.

And a word of caution - An overly critical mind is two steps away from hate.

I feel like self actualization is a place where one creates and overflows and gives to others.  We all have a signature gift to give and the best diamonds are found from digging through coal mines.  This is why I don't see the world as a place full of problems.  I see it as a place full of possibility.  Even someone stuck in a hole of hate might come out and change the world.

There is grace in the act of setting boundaries from a place of self love.

Someone who's setting a boundary out of self love will tell you they are not overflowing right now and that you deserve the kind of love and care that comes from someone who is.  They will tell you what they plan to do to take better care of themselves so they can add to your life.  They will ask for your support.  They are not afraid to be vulnerable and their actions speak louder than their words.

Someone who uses you or needs you to feel better about themselves will make you feel like you are a problem, a bother, like it's your fault or like you are not enough.  They may even try to shame you.

Ugh - Don't shame yourself.  If you can help it - don't shame yourself.  It was never about you.

This has been my biggest lesson over the last 2 years.  If you've ever felt ashamed of who you are and have had to work on self worth, and especially if you are a giver ... a taker or a hater can send you on a downward spiral right back to that place you fought your way out of.

Shame is a completely different hole in the ground.   It too needs a lot of compassion.  It's not better or worse than any other hole.  Shame does not destroy the people around, it destroys self ... but it's still a hole.

Regardless - we are not meant to be in holes for too long.  None of us!  Get your diamond and climb out. :)

And when you're out - route for everyone.  Most importantly - keep routing for yourself, and when you are in a great place, start to give again.  

And when your haters start to hate, remember they think you are better than they are.  Let them remind you that you are not better than anybody.
And when your fans start to smile, remember you are showing them who they are.

Day 15 - What if you feel what you think and can flip that around?

Very very productive day.

Sometimes I have to take a step back and acknowledge that I have trained thousands of people in the last few months, completely reinvented my approach to innovation, launched a small business and picked myself up and out of stress and into productivity again.

It's never as bad as you think, well actually it is as bad as you think.  And that's the point!  What you think becomes feelings.

When I see intensity and people on fire coming towards me now I try to think "how can I be the eye of their storm?" or "how can I listen without buying into their intensity?"

If I were to count the number of people I actually interacted with today alone it boggles my mind.  The key here is to remember that while heavily electronic, these interactions are people and I am a person.

Being mindful of that and purposeful with how one engages electronically and the way you think while doing so, completely changes the experience.

It has to be authentic, it has to be what you really mean and how you really feel.

So if you're not feeling like you can add value to an exchange - stop, step back, put some space up.

Im finding that the people I interact with who are constantly on fire, are creating 80% of the fire themselves.  If that fire is chronic, and that person is always stressed, it's an indicator that they are in need of some change.  And - I don't have to fix it, don't have to feed it, be hooked by it or in most circumstances even acknowledge it.

Learn your strengths, apply them, practice them, focus on them and enjoy them.  Find people who are strong in areas you are not and form a tribe.

Work as a team and with shared purpose.

This is the most beautiful and engaging experience outside of family and community and even then there are days when achieving something as a tribe - oh man, it feels so damned good!

But all of this starts with how you show up and the thoughts you bring into the picture.

It is not easy to recognize that you are not your thoughts.

It is not easy to call yourself out on a thought that's triggering an emotion and spiraling your whole day out of control.

But with practice ... it gets easier.  It gets better.

Grasping at positive thoughts when you don't feel positive doesn't always help.  Sometimes how you are feeling takes some space and some attention.  Feelings that come before the thoughts are a totally different ball game.

What I find very interesting about being purpose driven is that now feelings sometimes come first and then Im asking myself how I can use my brain as a tool to pursue and understand what I am feeling.

Learning to trust those feelings shifts something to more of the core of my body and connects me from my chest (I don't know how to explain this).

All I can say is that I have been aware of times when Im acting from a tightness at the back of my neck or where Im acting from what feels to be an entirely cerebral place.

But even as I do web design or coding right now there seems to be something coming up from my chest through my head and out my hands.  It's not perfect - it doesn't happen all day, every day - but it's happening more and more.

When something creative comes up that way or even an exchange between people I feel .... hmm - a little more alive?!?!  I guess that's the way to put it.  Looking forward to connecting with audiences this way.  I feel a lot of awesome experiences coming.

Will say one thing.  Even though Im spending a lot of time on Twitter, it's generally with a hand full of people I enjoy and genuinely enjoy interacting with.  It's less people on social media that turned out to be more meaningful for me.

I never look at my twitter timeline and don't care to.  It's like I feel a desire to interact with particular people and I just go with it.  All the rest felt too much like work.  I thought about it like work.  And I thought about it a lot.

Im a hot air balloon in the sky with basket that fits a tribe.  This tribe is so well diversified now.  Some are not even on social media, some are local and some are in other countries but we connect almost daily and we are on very similar quests.

That tribe can ebb and flow but keeping a core tribe small and close is enough for me <3

I trust, as an altruist at heart that what we do impacts millions of people for the better.  And I don't need to measure that in all areas, I don't need to see it, I don't need to know it - I just trust it - I feel it.

Day 14 - What if I'm a hot air balloon?

I had a delightful conversation with a client this week where we discussed visualizing our purposes.

One of the things I do is hold a client's best self and purpose in mind for them all week and especially when speaking to them.  It's my way of ensuring what they are saying is aligned.  This visualization of who they are is something they create in my mind while they speak.  It is something I consider to be sacred, they adjust it as they grow but generally the concept remains very similar.

One of my clients was laughing so hard at the visualization I had for them and I promised not to share it but she offered up one for me in return.  As it turns out this person has known me for close to 14 years.  She has seen my roller-coaster life and career first hand and knows me very well.

She described me as a hot air balloon.  I busted up laughing, asking - "what?  are you saying Im full of hot air?"

She said - yes - yes you are, but it's so perfect!

You look out over the horizon and offer vision.  Sometimes you need to puff up to get a little higher and sometimes you need to deflate to lower the altitude but what you offer is such a peaceful and tranquil picture in the sky as you float through the changing winds.

I found this so timely considering my practice of the affirmation "Don't puff up, Don't Shrink, Stand your Sacred Ground".

I then imagined my life as one long journey in a hot air balloon and how beautiful that is.  It also speaks to why I can't always fit a ton of people in my basket all the time.  There isn't room.  What I have to offer is so much more impactful when I have that focus and perspective.

It reminds me of the Wizard of Oz.  So human behind this curtain.

Today I'm embracing this visual and as I add value to the lives around me I'm realizing that the best way for me to multiply impact is to focus on people who also create value for others, to empower people in ways that empower communities, businesses and organizations.

I was labeled a visionary leader this week as well and I had to take a step back and sit with that one.  When I fold that into sacred space it does align with the hot air balloon.  It's nothing I need to puff up about.

It's true, I belong in the sky.  To far from the ground and I miss out on some of the detail that I love.  Too close to the ground and my strengths become useless.  It's about the right altitude and trying various altitudes over varying terranes.   Right now, with my day job this air balloon is scaling a mountain that won't peak for another 6 months.  In other areas of my life it's slow and steady incremental gains, some of which are in anticipation for what's on the other side of this mountain.

Either way -

People will always come and the perspective I have to offer will always add value, and money will never be a problem or even a driving factor.

We all have our place, belong, and are needed.  It's our job to find out where and how and to give.  And to adapt to the changing winds that are inevitable.

How fortunate to be a hot air balloon.

Day 13 - What if I'm feeling love and too much is not enough?

Today's post is personal.

I have a story to tell.  I fell in love with a perfectly flawed man.  He was completely honest and forthcoming about his flaws from the very beginning and I fell head over heals for him.

Then, when I exposed my flaws - he rejected me.

It hurt - knocked me down - and left me questioning everything about myself.

But what I learned was that what I was extending to him, this love regardless of flaws, was something I had not entirely given to myself.  That really meant that the love I was giving was not true.

But there is such a silver lining in it.

The work around Appreciative Inquiry has been as much about innovation as it has been about reinvention.  And what I've discovered is a genuine need to accept and honor the things about me that are flawed and human.

This quirky person I am is a unique combination lock for a distinct set of keys out there in the world.  These keys are the right people and what this guy did was actually a gift.  He showed me, he was not a right key (at least based on who was at the time).

Now, the interactions I have with others FIT.  If they don't fit, they don't belong on my journey ... and you know, that's totally ok!

The more I realize I don't have to please anybody, I don't have to do anything I don't want to, all I need to do is be me and strive be the best me.  Not because Im being told to do that but because it's what actually makes me happy.

When a seed sprouts it violently ruptures it's shell.  Zooming in really close to see what happens exposes a beautifully disturbing and tumultuous process.   Don't believe me?  Check this out!

I mean, just ouch!  Imagine if there were nerve endings involved in all of that!  Sometimes this is what it means to be human.  You rupture your current paradigm and flounder to embed new roots and reach for sunlight and until that nourishment starts to come you are nothing but a straining ruptured shell and the letting go of a world within a bean.

I've become deeply empathetic towards the disruptive journey businesses and entrepreneurs are on as they go through transformations or launches.  It is quite the process!!!

So now I've shifted to that place of Me first and then give to others.  Parts of me remember what this was like from prior chapters where I had the luxury of being all about me (once in my late teens and another in my mid-20's).  But to be honest - Ive been working since the age of 14 and supporting myself since the age of 18.  My ability to cope with challenge and to stand tall in the face of uncertainty has been a work in progress.  But the result here has been an incredible degree of resiliency and a knack for reinvention.  Each time I go through something like it there is this drifting that happens and it drives me nuts.  Im laughing so hard at myself right now.  I wish I could send a love letter to myself to open back in March of last year.

It would have read - "You just go promoted and it's going to be a lot of work.  I want you to know how much I love you and need you to take care of yourself.  There's going to be a man and he's going to change your life and I want you to let it happen.  There's going to be moments that will hurt very badly but I want you to picture this seed rupturing it's shell.  You're on your way kiddo and something you can't even imagine right now is about to happen.  Enjoy the ride!  You're life is not going to look or feel the same ever again."

So what Im realizing now is that growing is a constant state of rupturing these seed walls and sprouting again and again.  Ugh and yippie!

One thing, in hindsight, is how important self love really is.  It's like watering that seed.  Rupturing a dry encasing vs. one that is watered is a very different experience.

Im not worried about what I have to offer the world or the future I can feel myself growing and I know it will be awesome in it's own way.

Im not worried about what I will get for it, it's not about that!  Im not worried about who will see it or how many people will see it.  Im not even worried about success or failure.  What keeps me up at night right now is whether or not I loved myself enough each day and whether or not I was kind enough to myself as I faced what ever challenge came my way whole heartedly.  I wonder if I am laughing enough and enjoying enough and allowing others to make me laugh or to add enjoyment to my journey.

It's not a question about whether or not I will make others laugh or add enjoyment to their journey.  Doing this has never been hard for me.  That's the cake walk.

So right now ... Im feeling love and too much is not enough!  All the other stuff just keeps happening, keeps moving forward and keeps delivering.  What a strange chapter.

Im reminded of another lyric from one of my favorite songs - Hyperballad by Bjork.

"I go through all this, before you wake up.  So I can feel happier, to be safe up here with you."

Looking back has now shifted to a moment of feeling safe up here.  I get it.  I so get it!  For now anyway ... until the next time I need to rupture and grow.

Day 12 - What if everything is a form of settling?

Have to acknowledge the fun Ive had this weekend and the people Ive spent time with.  It was wonderful to let my hair down, eat delicious food, escape from my city, treat myself to a few luxuries, make new friends, go out dancing and singing and enjoy time with my inner circle.

Today was very relaxing.  I ventured out not knowing what I would see or where I would end up.  At one point I walked by a movie theatre and noticed a film playing called 'Heaven Is Real'.

Didn't know a thing about it and hadn't seen the trailer.  I purchased a ticket and settled into an air conditioned theatre all by myself to take in the picture.

What a timely movie to watch.  Won't give away any of the story but I will share that the depiction of family, faith and the challenge of learning from unplanned and painful circumstances resonated with me whole heartedly.  I found myself laughing and crying in a dark theatre, all alone and so content to be doing so.

The notion of believing in heaven, or a life after death, is one I am very familiar with from my upbringing.  The way this concept was depicted in this particular film was so innocent and pure and left me feeling acknowledged and un-alone in the areas of my life that are riddled with ambiguity and constant questioning.  

There's something about connecting to a bigger picture and feeling connected to that picture that washes away so much of the stress and worry associated with meaningless and trivial pursuits and worries about the people who come and go from my life year after year.  

This small child in the film (and this is known from the trailer which I have since watched) visited heaven while on the operating table.  When he pulled through he began to tell his Father what he saw in heaven.  What he shared challenged the faith of his parents and ultimately an entire community, and because it was so simple and genuine what he experienced.  

Sometimes the simplicity of what we really need and the ways to go about meeting those needs is incredibly disruptive when considering all of the work and pressures we place on ourselves to simply gain a measure of control, comfort or sense of security.  

The tiniest things make me laugh so hard right now.  The tiniest things make me smile.  I remember being in this space a few years ago and I know exactly what happened to take me out of it.

This film, and the events of today in general, grounded me a bit on the heals of quite the adventurous and stimulating ventures of the day prior.  

There is a balance of venture and adventure and quiet and purpose and adding value to the lives of others that one cares about.  Even though I am in deploy and a big part of that is about executing a plan, Im finding that if there is one thing to keep in mind while in this space it is to be open to what ever comes while holding tightly to a dream.

Small moments.

A new person, a new conversation, a familiar space or familiar practice - each of these are their own firsts - every time.  It's kinda about letting it all be fresh and new ... and did I mention laughing?  That exchange between two people, when you're just there with that person, is so tingly.  I love hearing where people are at.  Practicing not judging.  If it feels right - I gather pieces of information that help me understand their purpose.  If it feels right - I just enjoy them.  If it feels right - I practice compassion.  If it feels right - I practice letting them go.  All people give me the opportunity to practice something.

And when its really special, you see yourself in the eyes of another person.  You relate on a level that makes you feel like you are not alone.  And when it's even more special, you see how you can help that person with what ever it is they are trying to do - and if it's aligned with who you are - you help.

With each of these moments they are a form of settling.  Settling into the moment and realizing that the next will be even more and the next even more.  Every day is settling and accepting and being pragmatically optimistic that tomorrow will, again, be more than you thought possible.  

Day 11 - What if it's a marathon?

Was asked this morning how my work was going and found myself answering the question by saying "Im running a marathon but on target".  The minute the words escaped my lips I felt so connected to them.  They were honest.

When you're running a marathon you really don't stop and say - "Im doing great, life is wonderful, I feel amazing and I look amazing."

A marathon is a deliberate challenge in which there are moments of accomplishment, pushing, pain, stamina and exhaustion.  In fact, have you seen what people look like during a marathon?  They are red faced, sweaty and sometimes puffy making face expressions that look like strain and strife.

One thing to note though about marathons - there are moments of connection to ones self, hyper awareness of surroundings and a zone that one can find ones self in all of the sudden that feels so alive!

You know, I singed up for a major marathon (metaphorically) by taking on a promotion last year.  And then right after that started this habit of stopping to pose and smile and each water tent, oh and tried to pick a running partner to run by side who was in a marathon of his own.  Sometimes perspective is such a beautiful thing.

Im looking back now and I get it.

This is my marathon.  I created this path and committed to it.  And I'm going to see it through.

When I was exposed to problem analysis as part of the work I was doing, it felt like I had started this marathon with the wrong pair of shoes as an innovation worker.   My new job exposed me to thousands of problems.  And Six Sigma was the model being leveraged solve them.

I am so grateful for Appreciative Inquiry.  Now wearing the right shoes, focused on my marathon, running this track on my own, and executing my deploy.  Im not worried about anything other than the finish line.  When it's done.  I'll take another step back and think about what is next for me.

Today - Im at a water tent (metaphorically).  I left town today, Im with good friends and Im writing this blog from a delightful hotel cafe.  Off to enjoy a festival with food and music and most importantly, people I care about and who care very very much about me.

When you are on a marathon there are these people who cheer you on from the sidelines.  I love those people.  That is very kind of them.  But, what I am finding is that there are a hand full of people that will jump in and run along side me for small stretches, or they will be waiting to hug me at the water tent.  They are not part of my marathon but they love enough to know how to be there for me.

Anyone else right now, is distraction and weight.

The thing I find unique about these individuals being so supportive of me is that they are going to feel so good about me crossing the finish line.  They will have been part of it.  And Im so grateful that Im not having to do this alone after all.

Day 9 - What if giving time to people who've earned it is self respect?

Wow - Day 9 and I'm flying through priorities with ease and grace.

This "Nice Guy" is still nice, but I've moved into - "Earn my Nice" mode.

There is no doubt in my mind that I would do anything for the people I love and care for - anything!

In fact, the extent to which I have gone for people I loved is borderline, over-giving!

This stops right here, right now!!!

Dividing my time and energy each day and seeing it as an investment in my higher values and higher purpose has become a game that I love to play.  It's like "whack a mole."

You come at me with a demand - Whack!

You come at me with an opportunity - ok, I'll consider it but still - you're on my 48 hour pend list.

You come at me with a way to add value to me and my dreams - front of the line - and you will get so much more in return for what you are offering.

This energy is a precious gift and the value it represents is not only beyond worth but it is your disadvantage to not find a way to leverage it.

Good luck to any who want what I have to offer.

Believe me when I say - I want to give you everything I've got and that's exactly why I've made this change as part of my design.