Deploy Day 1 - Coming Out Ordinary & Proud

COMING OUT about something!

The first thing that I need to do today is come out about something.

The content created on Facebook last year ended up becoming a contest to garnish likes, comments and attention and what I was really doing was trying to feel better about myself.  There - pheww .. I said it.

Now, how did I get there?

I turned to habitual positive posts on Facebook and the corresponding likes and comments as a 'happiness' supplement while my personal life and work life radically changed at the same time and both in ways that were much harder.

So I left Facebook.  

Then, a deeper truth emerged.   I realized that I had been crowdsourcing elements of self worth for years and performing 'life' for others on social media.  OUCH!

In fact, I came to realize when looking at Facebook (and even some profiles on Twitter) that some of people with the loudest megaphones and the most content might actually, when you really listen, be screaming that deep inside they do not feel like they are enough and that they are desperate for love and genuine human connection.

To be honest, I don't blame people - I believe this should be seen with great compassion.  

Does life really have to be a perpetual state of standing on a 'burning platform'?

We live in a world where people are critical, products and news market to our fears or inadequacies and where life is made out to be this great big race to the top of some quantifiable accomplishment.  Sometimes it feels like there is never enough.  Money, reputation, possessions, life achievements, stable employment, etc..

You'd think that would be enough - but no.

Instead of putting effort into human connections and loving the people in our actual lives, some people distance themselves from others by competing with and comparing what I call 'lifestyle performances' on social media.  This is not new, it is where the phrase 'keeping up with the Jones' came from.

To me, one of the saddest and deeply concerning things of all, is that the hundreds of people habitually liking a picture and/or content on FB might actually be validating this competing and comparing while simultaneously thinking to themselves that they are not living a great life.

Something about that is NOT WORKING and I don't have to solve it!  

Instead, I decided to dedicate my time to creating new possibilities.

What would a world look like where people pursued purpose?  If we are all different and unique, wouldn't a world of people pursuing purpose be filled with incomparable lifestyles?  And wouldn't someone living with a sense of purpose be devoid of the need for validation, or approval from others?  Wouldn't the journey be it's own reward?  And if people valued purpose within our broader culture wouldn't it be easier to trust each other?  If we trusted each other more would we spend less time promoting our value and actually doing what we love?

When going through the AI process I really wanted to understand the difference between purpose and self worth and to get underneath authenticity.  This meant that I would need to pin my self worth to something outside the realm of Facebook (or even the opinions of others for that matter) and to play with a few questions like - what if nothing in my life ever receives validation again?  Who would you be if you were on a desert island?

Can I tell you - this really, really sucked!

Towards the end of last year I began telling people close to me that I was in pain and that I needed help, that I was sad, lonely, sometimes depressed and that I had created this image of positivity with demands that were impossible to sustain and that I wanted to make drastic changes.  This was very very hard to say to people, in fact - some let me go because of it.
 
Suddenly, I found myself on that desert island.  They are not kidding when they say "be careful what you ask for."

But then .. I realized - wait - Im on a dessert island!!!!  I can do what I want, when I want and how I want!!!!

So I began to map my experiences, looking for the most authentic moments and deeply personal feelings of accomplishment, ones that were connected to an inner sense of self worth and purpose and in particular where I did what I felt was right regardless of what others thought of me.

What I discovered was that I was an ordinary guy who does very ordinary things and close to 75% of it would bore the hell out of people.  

I then realized that this ordinary guy would not be able to compete within a culture where extraordinary was determined by comparison or through the approval of others.  I asked myself, who would you be if you never competed and if you never compared again?

Sometimes the second chance is the one you give yourself.

Enter Twitter:

I tinkered with tweets, favorites, retweets,  followers, follow counts, following back and unfollowing on letting myself practice recognizing when I was comparing, when I felt like I was competing and when that triggered a belief that I might not be good enough if I didn't push harder.  Then, I would go back and unfollow everyone I followed during that window of time and delete my tweets as a deliberate and rebellious act, viscerally confronting the belief that I needed to compete and compare.

I have to tell you, I've been on social media for years (going all the way back to MySpace), so doing this was the equivalent of walking into a football stadium, catching an amazing pass, running within a yard from the finish line and putting the football down in front of everybody.  It burned a part of my brain to do it.  So - I did it every day!  I knew I might confuse a few Tweeps or raise a few eye brows but I had to not care.

Then came a huge back lash of fear.  Questions such as what if you are cutting yourself short?  What if you are more amazing than you realize and this is self sabotage?  Aren't you supposed to be epic and impactful and to make a difference in this life in some big and monumental way?  What if you are being selfish?  

This is where what I was learning about Appreciative Inquiry and crafting questions, along with applying Junasian Thinking, came in handy.

I realized I was not obligated to answer any question my brain threw at me and that if I wanted to answer any questions they would ones that I deliberately designed.

So, I designed questions like - How can you be ordinary and extraordinary at the same time?  How can you be impactful and simple at the same time?  How can you be big and small at the same time?  How can you do less and receive more at the same time?  How can you accept and change at the same time?

The specific answers to these questions emerged through journalling.

What I dreamt up for myself in response to these questions is uniquely mine and not meant to be put out there, so you'll have to do this for yourself if you think it's interesting.

I will share that the results surprised me and have changed my life ... well, actually it's aligned me more with the ordinary human being I actually am.

Now that I feel more ordinary ... extraordinary things keeps happening, but extraordinary to me.  I don't know how to explain this.  Not yet anyway.

Deploy Day 1 is coming to an end and blogging like this is part of my design because it helps me be accountable to my design, connects me to those on my journey and potentially helps me discover other members of my tribe.